Always Another Chance!  

 

 - Top Tips For Parents



           Issue #8    February 3, 2006

Always Another Chance! is published by Frank McGinty for
opt-in subscribers only.



In This Edition

1. Editorial: New Year Resolutions?  Yawn!
2. Feature Article: Parenting Failure? - It May Not Be All It Seems!
3. Laugh It Off!
4. Think About It!
5. General & Unsubscribe Info



1. Editorial

Greetings,

Here we are, a month into the New Year and if you're
anything like me your carefully planned Resolutions will be
fading fast.

I've decided I don't like New Year Resolutions.  As far as I
can see, most people make them, fail to carry them out, then
feel bad about it!.

It doesn't seem to matter what they are -

   *  to spend more time with the kids 
   *  to play less golf and to play more video games with
       young Johnny
   *  to be more light-hearted and treat everyone in the
       house with the same respect
   *  to do your fair share of the household chores 

- after the First Fervour the Resolutions dry up, then wither.

But there's a better way.  Why not try something you can
keep track of more easily, something that can be measured,
changed if necessary, and which will keep you motivated?

Have a look at this special report from Paul Smithson.  It's
f.ree, and will show you how to set and maintain goals.
Paul is the brains behind Xsite Pro, the program I design my
website with and he's a guy who knows what he's talking
about.

If you'd like to download his report you can get it here.
It's best to select 'Save' when prompted, then download to
your Desktop or to a folder you can easily remember:

http://frank-mcginty.com/goals.pdf 

The Post-Holiday Blues can sometimes play havoc with our
self-esteem and self-belief, so here's something else you
might like.  It's a song that will undoubtedly give you a
boost!  You can download the song as well as reading all
about it here:

http://griefandlosshelpsongletter.com/newslettermagyou.htm

___________________________________________________________

And if you'd like to keep up with my blog, you'll find it
at:

http://www.frank-mcginty.com/weblog

___________________________________________________________

Remember, you can now access Always Another Chance! online
at http://www.frank-mcginty.com/ezine.html

My very best wishes!

Frank
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html



2. Feature Article

Parenting Failure? - It May Not Be All It Seems!

(c) Frank McGinty  All Rights Reserved


I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.

I'd been interested in gliding, or soaring as it's known in
the USA, for some time - and now the big day had arrived.

As I approached the airfield the words of some 'friends'
came back to haunt me.  'Going up in a sailplane without an
engine? You must be mad! How these things stay up there in
empty space is beyond me!'

After a lesson or two on the principles of flight, it was
time to take to the air. And I needn't have worried about
'empty space' . . .

If ever there was a case of things not being as they seemed,
this was it.

Empty space? You must be joking!

Five minutes in a glider (or sailplane) teaches you that
it's anything but 'empty space' up there.

I was amazed at the buffeting and whipping of the air
currents and the sheer power of the thermals as they pushed
the plane upward, like a giant hand from below.

The question soon changed from 'How are we going to stay
up?' to 'How are we going to get down?'

But it's all about manipulation of the control surfaces on
the plane, and soon we glided to a smooth and safe landing.

Often in life, perhaps even more so in parenting, things are
not as they seem.

Here's a common scenario. A parent has been reading up on
positive thinking, self-development, parenting skills or
such like.

They feel good and are dutifully putting everything into
practice. 

Then out of the blue - WHUMP! There's a major confrontation
with one of our teens that leaves us drained, bedraggled and
crawling off in search of a corner where we can lick our
emotional wounds.

The steely glint of failure mocks our efforts.

But wait! All is not as it seems . . .

In recent years we've come to realise that every situation
has potential for good AND bad. Some call it the Law Of
Opposites.

Let's illustrate it with another example. Say you make a
sacrifice and give money to the poor.

That's good. It helps them get on their feet, and generosity
is good for your personal development.

So what could possibly be 'bad' in that situation?

It's POSSIBLE that giving so 'generously' could make you
feel smug and 'superior'. It could lead to a 'Holier than
thou!' attitude. And the receiver could eventually become
dependent on hand-outs from others.

Not good!

So let's get back to that volcanic blow-up with our teens!

No possibility for good there? Think again.

Lick the wounds by all means, but rest assured that every
situation has a lesson for us.

All we have to do is open ourselves to the possibility.

So when we retreat, let's ask ourselves some questions and
be brutally honest in our appraisal:

* In that situation did I keep my cool?
* Was I positive in my attitude?
* What kind of language did I use?
* Did I come over as patronizing, sarcastic, impatient,
   intolerant, 'superior', huffy?
* Or was I supportive, patient, tolerant, mature, assertive,
   helpful, confident?
* Was my approach reasonable or in some way self-serving?

In short, was I modelling the type of  behaviour I would
want them to adopt?

If the answer is yes, then you can feel strong and
confident, knowing that any sanctions you apply are just and
reasonable.

If the answer is no, what can you learn from this?

Use this opportunity to strengthen and develop yourself, and
prepare to handle it better next time.

In your path toward parenting progress, then, all may not be
as it seems.

Apparent failures - especially when we thought we were
making it! - can be opportunities to take our progress to
the next level.

Remember the  people who couldn't understand how a glider
stayed in the air without an engine? Just because they
couldn't SEE the ridges of air pressure or the thermals
which push the plane upward, doesn't mean they're not there.

In the same way, situations that may APPEAR to bring us down
can in fact be the  very 'thermals'  (which are hot air!)
to push us upward to the next level - if we let them.

Happy parenting!



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3. Laugh It Off!

COOPERATION

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his
young players, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What
a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win
together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or
you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the
umpire. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to
your mother."



4. Think About It!

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
Author Unknown

It's how you deal with failure that ultimately determines
your success. 
Rick Beneteau



5. General & Unsubscribe Info

Always Another Chance! - Top Tips For Parents
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